Iris
For many years, I dubbed myself the Queen of Heartbreak. Those close to me know I have a penchant for bearded trades guys, and had mastered the art of falling hard and fast. An all in, bona-fide hopeless romantic.
The beginnings are sweet, and I have always been able to instinctively tell what was going to stick and what wouldn’t. It was always hit me when I wasn’t looking for it, and usually based on the most random of moments. Some of these moments include and are not limited to:
Arguing over artists featured on Kanye West’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy album at a Jersey Shore themed birthday party.
Trying to out curse and out drink an Irish stranger at Tonics Pub during a Centre of Gravity weekend.
Calling a guy out for looking like he was from Prince George and randomly driving to OK Falls for ice cream on a sunny spring Saturday.
Singing Foo Fighters cover of Gerry Rafferty’s Baker Street and Sonic Youths version of Superstar on the way to the Enderby Cliffs
Walking home and trying to remember what little either one of us retained from our separate French immersion days.
Having my sunglasses ripped off my face while sharing nachos and margaritas on the Doc Willoughby’s patio.
Playing guitar and shooting fireworks off dressed up as a banana in the North End of Kelowna on Halloween.
Running hand in hand from the Blue Gator to Doc Willoughby’s to get one more drink in and see the next band play.
I have heartbreak stories by the insurance lady finger fistfuls but what I have learned is; no matter what, I always pick myself up, put myself back together and level up. Each heartbreak might be painful in the moment but there’s always a lesson to learn and an opportunity for growth. Some of these heartbreaks lead me back into art, launched me into starting an art company, challenged myself to get stronger physically, required me to take a step inward and rediscover my intuition and spirituality.
Every one of these heartbreaks was a cobblestone brick piece by piece teaching me the lessons I needed to learn to love myself. The self love journey is everything. I’m sure you’ve seen the beautiful script across a scenic beach memes floating around your preferred social media platform; “don’t expect someone to love you until you love yourself.”, as cliche as it sounds, I believe it is true. Another big player, is learning to let go of the expectations and timeline bullshit we feed ourselves; that we need to be married by 25, and have two kids by 30. Why put all that unnecessary pressure of yourself? Let it go and trust the universe has it sorted out. All in good timing. Once I learned self love and let go of my expectations the universe eventually lead me to meeting B, when I was my most happiest and was not looking.
I will never forget the day I met B. It was during a 10 day paint-cation at the beginning of August. All I cared about in the summer of 2019 was painting, my garden and exploring the forests, creeks and beaches for rocks. I was completely content with myself and wasn’t looking for anything or anyone.
B and I met at the beach and I could feel something instantly. Here we go again. The butterflies, the easy conversation and non stop laughing. Two weeks later we had our official first date where he showed up to my apartment for a quick drink before we headed off to a show at Fernandos. B showered Penny and Chewie with affection, examined my latest twelve piece series, panel by panel, and tuned my old guitar and ukulele. When he played his favourite Beatles song, Fixing a Hole for me I knew I was in love. The summer of 2019 was absolute dream.
While our honeymoon stage is long over, I cherish the little moments where B makes me smile or finds a way to make me burst out laughing in my least favorite place, the grocery store. I couldn’t imagine having anyone else by my side as we tread through these stormy waves of Covid. Don’t be fooled though, self love does not stop once you’ve met your soulmate. It’s imperative to continue loving yourself and to spend time focusing on your goals and what makes you tick. Your inner work doesn’t stop the minute you find your true love, and it’s ridiculous to put the responsibility of your sole happiness and nourishment in the hands of another living being.
Special shout out to Matt, the ultimate matchmaker. Who not only planned the beach meet up in 2019, but didn’t incessantly hype talk either one of us to the other one and just sat back and let it all happen organically. Nothing was forced or felt like we were being watched like what I can only assume an episode of The Bachelor looks like. Just a couple a kids who met at the beach trying to catch tans and people watch at Mushroom beach.
Playlist
The following songs are influenced by what I was listening to while painting this piece, memories of the many beginnings that thankfully turned to endings and lead me back to me:
Crave You - Flight Facilities
Our Deal - Best Coast
Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons
The Only One - Black Keys
Pyro - Kings of Leon
Miss You - Foster The People
A & E - Goldfrapp
Without a Map - Sam Roberts
Canadian Girl - The Walkmen
Knot in my Heart - The Zolas
Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood
He’s A Rebel - The Crystals
Collect Call - Metric
Weird Love - Chad VanGaalen
Budapest - George Ezra
Rapt - Karen O
Adult Diversion - Alvvays
2 Heads - Coleman Hell
Downtown - Majical Cloudz
Ophelia - The Lumineers
Real Love Baby - Father John Misty
Fixing A Hole - The Beatles
Happiness is a Butterfly - Lana Del Rey
She’s All I Really Need- Mac Demarco
This Will Be Our Year - The Zombies
